Ben's dating doc

Basics

Age: 32
Gender: male
Interested in: women
Wants kids: yes!
City: San Francisco
Headshot:

Hi! I’m Ben, and I’m looking for a partner to build a life and family with :) Is that you, or someone you know?

Traits I think are sexy and inspiring:

You’re warm and emotionally articulate: my most joyful moments with both friends and partners have been where one of us understood the other well enough to help them understand themselves. Being great at sharing what’s in your head and heart is the best way to build that kind of connection.
You’re thoughtful and curious: if our relationship lasts, we’ll talk to each other for something like 20,000 hours. I’d like us both to have the thoughtfulness to keep generating new ideas for that long, and the curiosity to draw them out of each other.
You care a lot about being a good person, both to people around you and to the world at large, and have the courage to do that when it’s not the path of least resistance. This is my most important value personally, and if it describes you too, then I know we’re on the same team.

What I’m like

with some dear colleagues in Jigjiga, Ethiopia ❤️

The best way to get a sense of what I’m like might be to poke around this site, or for a more (semi-)conversational experience, listen to this podcast episode I did (source; most interesting parts are 9:48 and after):

Speed: 1× 1.25× 1.5× 1.75× 2×

If we got to know each other better, here are some things you’d probably notice about me:

I try really hard to improve the world. One of my major life goals is to do as much of this as possible. It’s why I chose my current work, and why I care so much about it.
I’m fun to talk to: see the blog / podcast links above. Most of my best ideas for posts have crystallized during conversations with friends! An example one that resonated a lot with people is You don’t need to work on hard problems.
I’m competent and ambitious: both at work and personally, I try hard to get good at what I do. You can see this throughout a lot of essays here (How I’ve run major projects, Mistakes I made as a new manager, In defense of blub studies, My weekly review habit…)
I’m a good listener: reviews from friends include “you ask really good questions!”, “you’re the person I know who’s most consistently helpful to talk through decisions with.” To listen well, get curious articulates one way I got better at this.
I handle conflict and hard conversations well: I’ve had a lot of practice processing stress, receiving feedback gladly, and giving it kindly, which I’ve found to be really useful in relationships.
I am pretty goofy:

singing party at the co-op I grew up in. my mom is on the right!

Day to day:

At work, I lead some research teams at Anthropic. I’m really into it—I think it’s one of the best ways I can contribute to humanity’s flourishing, and I deeply love my team and coworkers, most of whom are not just the most competent people I’ve ever worked with, but also the kindest and highest-integrity. (Okay, I’ll stop gushing.)
Outside work, I like to cook for friends, sing in harmony, contra dance, blog vigorously, play folk and classical piano, and of course the Bay Area starter pack (climbing, hiking, meditation). I like picking up new things from/with partners too!

In a relationship:

I care a lot about us being able to show up as our whole selves, including the messy, embarrassing or uncomfortable parts. I think a lot of the work of being in a relationship is building and maintaining enough connection and safety that this is possible. (See e.g. Emotional waste collection.)
I really like being affectionate, especially with physical touch and words of affirmation. I’d like a partner who will reciprocate that :)